I woke up feeling low this morning, for no particular reason I could identify. And despite my best efforts to change my mood, the dark cloud hung over me all day even while the sun was shining. I even took a walk with Michael and Gus puppy (who is now 5/6ths, i.e. 10 months old) but couldn’t snap out of it. These are some of the worst days to fight off unnecessary and unwanted eating.
I found myself reaching for my computer chocolate stash at 11 am (a.k.a. my grading fuel/reward), but managed to dissuade myself and instead have two strawberry IceBreaker mints. Lunch was as usual, but by 4 pm, I found myself wandering through the kitchen looking for a diversion. The worst part was that I was entirely aware of why I was grazing for something, acknowledged that I wasn’t even hungry, and yet there I was, deciding what to eat.
Recognizing that I was going to eat something (despite having eaten my weight in blackberries straight off of the tree after our walk- I get a free pass on those when they’re in season), I ended up deciding on faux turkey slices with peppadews. That was good, but I wasn’t going to stop there, apparently–even though I still wasn’t hungry– which led me to the bag of potato chips. I opened them and ate two, then decided to put some on the counter (as I’m a Standing Snacker) and just eat those. A tiny bowl would have been better, but I was desperate to get the bag out of my hands.
I wandered back upstairs to try to get some more work done. Still distracted, I caved and ate two squares of 88% Endangered Species dark chocolate. (That is what I’d be craving if I ever get marooned on a deserted island.)
The moral of this story? I try to remind myself that these things happen. Some days are definitely more challenging than others. While ignorance may be bliss, being aware of what was going on proved more helpful that not, even though it was not an ideal eating day for me.
Instead of caving into chocolate twice today, I didn’t eat the chocolate this morning, even though I ended up eating some this afternoon. I ate the faux turkey, which isn’t a bad option for me since it adds protein to my diet. Plus, I made a conscious choice to eat that instead of just thoughtlessly diving into the bag of potato chips from the start, only to find myself scarfing down the last broken bits three or four ounces later.
I still have to make it through the rest of the day, but at least I have a better chance of coming out of it feeling better than I would have before my lifestyle change. I’ve developed tools to help me better cope on these sorts of days. And I’ve broken the cycle of spiraling into several days of binging with the promise of starting a new diet the next day.